Why me? Why Him?

OK over the last few weeks there have been a few things that have told me to think; Are you sure this is you? Well Master made me sit down and think about it, he made me write him and explain why I wanted to be a submissive, moreover His submissive.

Him
I have no doubt at all about being his submissive, there is no one else in the world that I have any desire to serve.
Funnily enough in the English - Anglican marriage ceremony you have a choice of two 'scripts' in one you Obey your husband and in the other you don't...I chose not to obey. Why because I was a career minded, independent girl brought up in yuppidom, I was not going to obey anyone! Silly really, if you hold anything in the sanctity of the marriage ceremony then I got it all wrong and I think I need to retake my vows!!
I love my husband very deeply and needed a way of showing him just how much I love, respect, and obviously trust him. Obviously this would not be the correct way to do it if I did not have submissive tendencies and/or he did not want to partake. This may or may not be the best thing to do but I am going to include some of the less personal parts of my letter to him to try and get across where I am coming from on this, these are from different letters and not necessarily in order but I hope to get my feelings across:

I asked you to embark on a D/s relationship with me and explained to you my reasons for this, they were; because I have such deep and amazing feelings for you that I wanted our normal relationship to intensify, these feelings are borne from love and respect. In order to be your submissive I obviously have to respect you in every way and also trust you implicitly. I can tell you I love you every day but I believe that by becoming your submissive I can show you, every time you ask something of me, my passionate feelings towards you.

I have a deep desire to serve you…I really want to make you happy in all ways, by giving you my servitude I feel can best please you; If you want a slut I will follow orders to be a slut, if you want a demure Geisha all you need do is order it. It removes all the possibility of me getting it wrong... I am happy to serve you in whatever way necessary because my love for you is so intense.

I want to serve you and only you, my heart still misses a beat when I think of you and you have the ability to take me beyond ecstasy and into heaven on earth…why would I not want to serve you and repay you for this ability. Nothing makes me happier than when you tell me you are happy (or show it) I can think of no greater privilege than to serve your desires for eternity.

Sir I do want to serve you I give myself to you, please take care of me and help me to grow into your perfect submissive.


How come I turned submissive?

OK so that's Him now why me? Well I believe it is inherent, I don't believe I turned submissive at all I just think I found myself and had the courage to follow it through. I remember my teenage erotic dreams were sub in nature, involving chains, cages and always with me as the captured one/ slave. This is many years before the Internet, before I had seen a blue movie let alone a 'BDSM' one. I had never read an erotic book or magazine. I had no benchmark to go on, only what I felt within myself. So when I think back I think these must have been my true feelings. It has taken me years to not only find myself and ask for help. To realise I am not a freak for wanting this but that I am merely in the minority. I am not asking to be harmed, nor do I wish to become a slave. I am a worthwhile person with desires interests and gifts for the world; but when the door is shut and we are alone in our home I wish to be subservient.

I am (sexually) a masochist, I have found this out through experimentation and it is a knowledge I am at ease with; for whatever reason, in certain situations the pain is very pleasurable. I only hope that I do not have to keep extending the boundaries too far to be able to keep the intensity that the pain gives me.

I hope that that gives just a little insight into the whys and hows. Willing to answer any sensible questions that may arise. I know that my mind may have gone off on a tangent during this blog so I'm sure there are no prizes for grammar or clarity - just hope it is useful to those who read this that wanted to know.