3 days to go until Christmas and I am very happy and relaxed about it. I'm sure my Master will like his present and it is not just a ribbon around my middle (although ribbons are fun!)
Last night I felt sure I had disappointed my master and this is tearing me up inside. He has not indicated that he is unhappy with me but I hate to not be a perfect sub. Without going into great detail at some point during the night he asked me what I wanted. I wasn't able to tell him what I wanted because in the situation we were in I didn't know. I would have preferred it if I hadn't been given the choice.
It was all to do with being left. Now in the right situation I love to be tied down and left, it heightens the anticipation. But last night it wasn't that I had been left for this reason, he was there and had no intention of touching me (there's more to it but that's about the size of it) . I love the feel of his touch, in whatever form, but I cannot bear nothing. It was as though I was being punished (and for once I had done nothing wrong) He could see that I was unhappy and asked me if I wished to be released - and here is my problem I wanted to be touched not released but it is not my place to tell him my needs and I wanted to please him but the situation was making me very unhappy, but it wasn't a safe word type of moment I was in no danger. He is a very kind and considerate Master and decided to release me, but of course this has made me dejected as I'm sure he didn't really want to.
I have been struggling with my conscience all day but it is easy to see it clearly after the fact. I am still in training and it is the 'little' things like this that make a blip in the smooth running of our Ds dynamic.
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2 comments:
Good morning Misty,
As always, your Blog gives all of us a unique and wonderful insight into the desires, wants and needs of a submissive in training.
May I be allowed to interject one comment here though.
You say "but it is not my place to tell him my needs".
Well, unless he is a mind reader, I hope that this isn't the case. As a Dom, nothing pleases me more than to hear my submissive open her heart to me with her needs and desires so that I may gift her more ably with pleasure and fulfillment.
Of course, it is your Master's choice as to how and when he meets those needs, and your sharing should be done with respect and love. But he needs your honesty as well.
Anyway, I hope you managed to discuss this successfully with Him.
Merry Christmas to both of you.
FM
Thank you for your comment FM but I think I may need to clarify what I meant:
It is not my place to tell him what I want at a particular time, especially when he is enjoying playing with me at the time. He knows all my desires and my limits, but he may do something neither of us had thought of. I believe it is not my place to stop him and tell him every time he pushes my limits, unless there is a safety issue or I really have a deep unhappiness about the situation, I think this would get tedious for him; and after all I only want to please him.
I agree with what you say but I think there is a time and a place for everything and that was not the time.
We have, of course, discussed it now he has read my blog.
Thank's once again
Misty
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