Back I hope

So I've been away for a little while, totally unrelated to my lifestyle, but I hope to be back and regularly blogging again asap.
Whilst dabbling in the You Tube archives I found this vid which is pretty informative for a BDSM inquisitor, I especially liked the way which the video was approached - not a great deal of info but what there is is pretty sensible and gives good first insight.

So just a quickie as you see but I guess a quickie is better than nothing at all ;)

To pee or not to pee...

...is not actually the question it just kind of leads me nicely into what I want to write!
Being begrudgingly and involuntarily kept from my obligations to my Master, through no fault of my own or his. I have found myself awake at night completely frustrated and desperately needing to submit to him.
I have had a few very weird dreams one of which I was begging him to pee on me. Now I don't consciously want to partake in said act or anything similar however I think it was the need to feel owned and in my semi conscious state I had equated ownership with animals marking their territory. In my dream like state it seemed perfectly obvious that this is what it meant and it was something He could do to me in my present state! I have not mentioned this particular dream to him so when he reads this He will no doubt be bemused! Had He been there at the time it is likely He would have put me in my place unfortunately He was not and I had to work through the silliness of my thoughts on my own. (I wonder if there is actually an animal that marks their mate as a sign of ownership in this or any other way?)

Now the slightly less 'icky and more 'me' thought to come out of this is the thought of marking or being marked. I am not at all averse to being marked after all I wear jewellery to 'tell' Him that I know I am His and a tattoo or brand is merely a permanent, almost less obtrusive version of this.

Branding, I think I do not want, although I am not opposed to the mark or the significance of actually being branded (equating it to stock animals) but I think I am opposed the aesthetics of it, after all a brand is more or less a scar on the skin and I have enough scars and other such things detracting from the perceived perfect body that I don't really want to add to them.

But a tattoo is not such a bad option; I have seen many tattoos that enhance the body that they are 'attached' to. But then we have the question of what? How big? And where? The where bit is the nagging one for me as if tattooed for Him I will have very little choice about the other two. If it was overtly a branding mark I wouldn't want it in a place where it could be seen (but then if I was vanilla I would never get one anyway so that would also come into it). I don't want it anywhere that will sag with time (this rules out most areas of my body as all natural bodies succumb to gravity in the end!!!) So where is left?

Yesterday I think I got my answer. I was watching a film (the film itself was nauseating) the leading lady had a lovely tattoo right in the V of her legs; the tattoo itself was pretty beautiful too and was designed in a V shape to compliment its canvas. Well I don't think the area sags, and I hope most won't see it and finally it seems a fairly appropriate place for it.

Now I've put that in writing I shall go off and think about the possible pain ramifications of tattooing such a sensitive area.

Personal, yet public , note to my Master

Sir,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your unending kindness and care for me over this strange time. It is not easy having a defective sub but you are handling it with your usual loving and I feel as cherished as ever.
Yours as ever Misty xxxx

Sub Space

Ever been there? I wasn't sure until recently. It has been likened to a sports person being in the zone and the other day I had the joy of experiencing it, definitely, for the first time. For a submissive it is the place to be.
My Master and I were playing with paddles. I was completely relaxed and each blow did not in the least hurt but sent the sensation tingling all over my body. It had taken a while to get there and the session had been working up all afternoon, he hadn't touched me sexually for hours but there was a definite air of sexual play around! He announced that he wanted me to lean over and he was going to try out his new paddles, to begin with it was just the normal gorgeous feeling I get from each whack, the endorphin release and obviously the sexual pleasure. As he timed the paddles into a quick rhythm I went deeper and deeper into my desires and suddenly realised I was completely and utterly overtaken, I would have agreed to anything he asked for at that point! It is difficult to explain the difference between simply enjoying the experience and being totally within the experience but there is a vast difference.
Of course now it will be my goal to get there again. I believe my Master was pleased with the results of my being there and will be more than happy for me to pursue this goal. I'm just happy to have got there, and of course the twin paddles are now my new favourite toys!!!

Christmas servitude

Well as my first Christmas as a submissive I have found it difficult to negotiate the difference between family time and His time. He has made no demands on my time over the holiday period, which I guess is correct, but this has made my submissive side yearn to serve him. I frequently asked to do things for him which he has politely turned down and I have subconciously felt rejected. Entirely my fault, but nonetheless hard for me emotionally.
Funny though, as I know that he has been doing it for me (Especially after 3 days of eating all that rich food it would be difficult to participate in any really physical play) . I love him for giving me this time but funny how my need to serve him outweighs my knowledge that he is doing the kindest thing for me.
I'm sure that knowledge that this is how Christmas is, will make it easier through the years. Also as we both grow with the relationship we will find ways of overcoming this period in little ways. He asked me to make on submissive gesture for him on Christmas day which I thought I had planned well, but circumstances were not with me and it didn't work, again I will get better at this with practice.
Don't get me wrong I have had a lovely Christmas and I have enjoyed every minute of it but this is what runs though my mind during the evening when it would be normally be His time.
Until the things go back to normal I shall have to content myself with serving him coffee and cake.

Emotional Rollercoaster

3 days to go until Christmas and I am very happy and relaxed about it. I'm sure my Master will like his present and it is not just a ribbon around my middle (although ribbons are fun!)

Last night I felt sure I had disappointed my master and this is tearing me up inside. He has not indicated that he is unhappy with me but I hate to not be a perfect sub. Without going into great detail at some point during the night he asked me what I wanted. I wasn't able to tell him what I wanted because in the situation we were in I didn't know. I would have preferred it if I hadn't been given the choice.
It was all to do with being left. Now in the right situation I love to be tied down and left, it heightens the anticipation. But last night it wasn't that I had been left for this reason, he was there and had no intention of touching me (there's more to it but that's about the size of it) . I love the feel of his touch, in whatever form, but I cannot bear nothing. It was as though I was being punished (and for once I had done nothing wrong) He could see that I was unhappy and asked me if I wished to be released - and here is my problem I wanted to be touched not released but it is not my place to tell him my needs and I wanted to please him but the situation was making me very unhappy, but it wasn't a safe word type of moment I was in no danger. He is a very kind and considerate Master and decided to release me, but of course this has made me dejected as I'm sure he didn't really want to.
I have been struggling with my conscience all day but it is easy to see it clearly after the fact. I am still in training and it is the 'little' things like this that make a blip in the smooth running of our Ds dynamic.

Can’t see the wood for the trees?

Was driving back from the city yesterday, after a successful Christmas shopping trip. The city had not been too crowded and I had found the experience an altogether enjoyable experience (I wonder do all submissives enjoy buying presents this much?)

I have to drive through the heart of the forest to get home; this is generally a pleasant experience and usually serves me well. But more often than not, if I am alone, I drive through after dark or in the summer when all you can see are the trees that line the road; a great wall of green through which the occasional pony or deer can be seen peeking. But today the sun was shining and it must be pannage time as the pigs were out in force snaffling the acorns, which is always an intriguing sight. It suddenly stuck me that I could see far back into the forest itself; the pigs were on a carpet of orange and gold and the sun was streaking in through the bare trees, you don’t need me to tell you it was beautiful and my heart soared.

So why am I sharing this? Well I have always been a ‘stop and smell the roses’ type of person – theoretically… but sometimes life gets in the way and we need a little nudge in that direction. Nature is amazing and sometimes we become blind to it as we go about our daily chores.

But we can do the same with people around us, I have many friends and acquaintances that have in conversation told me they are very much in love with their partners but haven’t had time to speak to each other in days, they have a marriage but not necessarily a relationship.

This is where I feel the Ds bond helps: My Masters’ orders are to keep him informed of my feelings with everything we do and I have until now had to keep a daily journal – and now this blog – We converse everyday and he has His time in the evening where we spend quality time together. As relationships go he is stopping to smell the roses, I am feeling cherished and our relationship is nourished. I wonder whose relationship is more healthy? I'm willing to bet it would be the Ds one.

Or is it just me? Comments very welcome :-)