Misty 24/7 Submissive

Out there, at last

2007-08-29T14:04:00.000Z

So it's been roughly a year that I have been serving, or at least attempting to serve, Sir. I am quite frankly a slow learner and could not possibly call my self a fully trained submissive yet, darn my years of selfish ego building!!!
Still it has been an interesting journey so far, with its inevitable ups and downs but overall it is a positive experience and one which I have no intention of bringing to an end.

So to celebrate our almost anniversary* we went to a Munch, our first munch in fact our first foray outside the front door (apart from the picnic in the Forest wink, wink, nudge, nudge!).
The munch was a great experience, I have no idea now what I really expected it to be but it was just (ha! just!!) a bunch of normal people, meeting in a pub talking about kinky things. I found it very freeing as there were no loons there to make me feel like getting back in my self imposed closet. Sir told me before we went that I did not have to adhere to any rules for him just so long as I was comfortable so this made it very easy for me to be able to talk to and about anything I wanted without fear of displeasing him (Thank you Sir x).
We left before the munch finished and Sir then bought us a takeaway ( I so could not eat before we went!!) which we sat on the beach eating and discussing the evening and what it had meant to us.
So all in all a good evening, will be back again and hope that at least some of the people we met may become friends.

* To clarify I am not a sentimental anniversary keeper and actually have no idea of the actual date our dynamic formally changed. He should beat me for that ( I wish he would!) The munch just happened to happily fall at about the right time, I have glorified the whole thing! I love poetic licence...you may now laugh at me!

Hypnosis and training

2007-08-08T15:08:00.000Z

I know, I know posting drought and then two in one day. So shoot me!

Sir has been practicing hypnosis for some time, I am a willing guinea pig. He has tried such things as, making me not like chocolate (didn't work) giving me more self confidence (well I have that, but it may be his overall effect on me) and now I asked if he could help me to become his perfect submissive.
Now I'm not stupid and I'm aware that what in effect I'm doing is giving him carte blanche to turn me into whatever he wants, but I guess that is what I really want. I do have an amazing trust in him and know that he will not do anything that will compromise me in any way. And in reality I feel that if you really do not want whatever it is that is being suggested to you, It cannot happen (for example: who wants to give up chocolate?).
So am I wrong? Is this effectively brainwashing and if so, so what? I'm fairly sure if I were to discuss this with my vanilla friends they'd tell me I was bonkers - well I already am. How can it be wrong to allow the person you need to change for, to help, or rather have total control on the changes that are required.
It's rather a moot point as I have allowed him to do what he wants and will continue to do so, but I guess I do like to share!

Was it the ginger?

2007-08-08T14:12:00.000Z

So I took another trip to subspace the other night thought you'd be interested in the circumstances.
Sir decided he was going to play with me and mentioned that he was going to use ginger; having played with ginger previously I suggested that if this were the case he'd have to employ binding and gagging as the initial effects of ginger, especially when inserted anally make me a very vocal and sammy subbie!
So he took my advice (I rather imagine he was going to whatever I had said) and laid me face down on the bed and cuffed my arms and tied my legs. I was duly gagged and then treated to a sensual few minutes to help me relax and become accustomed to my position (and I guess a little bit of 'I have you where I want you' on his part).
When the ginger was introduced, as predicted my body tried to show Sir it was not at all happy with the new insertion, luckily the initial reaction doesn't last too long and pretty soon there is just the warm sensation that the ginger gives. Sir began to spank first gently then harder and harder; relentlessly. He has a wonderful pair of soft leather gloves that really give a nice sensation when being smacked, takes away the sharpness of the smack but in turn allows more force to be used. At this point I found I was there again and he was taking me deeper and deeper with each smack.
I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be taken to subspace, to feel completely at home/ fulfilled and fulfilling your role. But it is a wonderful experience.
Now before I tried it, I had heard tale that ginger makes you completely desperate to be ...well to put it bluntly...to be fucked...hard. It does have that effect on me and this I find is a problem, as I want to please my Master but cant help begging him to please, please put me out of my misery. I know this is kind of topping from the bottom which is not something I want to do; but I think Sir knows this and it adds to his sadistic pleasure knowing what state I am in and being able to keep it from me for as long as possible.
I ended this session in tears and needing Sir's arms around me to bring me back, but it was an amazing session; I have left out details that are not relevant to my point today - I have to keep some things private.
My question is, was it the ginger or is it that my position in life is to be put across my Masters knee and spanked until I cry or cum or both?

Making Toys

2007-05-13T12:35:00.000Z

Well Sir charged me with making my own toys recently.

A wise idea on two counts on his part;

1- He has recently invested a lot of money in my toy box and these specialist items do not come cheap

2- It has given me an awful lot of pride not only in making the toy for my Master to play with me with; but also in the work involved in forming the toy.

My first attempt was a spreader bar, as it was my first attempt I made it universal – legs or arms. I also added a couple of extra hooks so it can be used for suspension.

Pretty basic stuff really when you consider the ready made ones sell for around £20.

The component parts are:

(New)Broom handle – varnished and cut down to size
4 vine eyes
4 quick release carabiners

As I said; simple really!

It took a little while, and my Masters kind help to get the length of the bar right, but once that was done the vine hooks went in easily: One at either end and then two placed about a foot apart centrally. Attached the carabiners to the hooks enabling attachment/unattachment of my cuffs et viola one functioning spreader bar!!

Was a little dubious to the strength of the hooks and suspending me from them, however so far so good! Although I must point out at this point I have not yet been totally suspended from it so it is not quite fully tested. Still works very well indeed in a prone position and mores to the point Master was incredibly happy with the resulting restraint it provided. Also the extra hooks have proved doubly useful as my wrist cuffs can be attached to force a seated, V legged, restraint – good for many things!!

My next project is to make another bar so I can have total restraint in this way and look into the ceiling hooks we have to see if they will accommodate full suspension, St Andrews Cross style.

O with an O

2007-04-26T21:05:00.000Z

Ohhhhhh my goodness has anyone ever told you that if you release yourself from the bonds of selfishness you get so much more as a reward.
Just the other day when I was pleasuring my Master with some oral servitude I found myself not only getting my usual enjoyment from his obvious delight. But also I found myself aroused by it far more than was usual...the more delicktation I brought my Master the more I felt myself; there was an absolute correlation between his gratification and my own. As I worked for some time I felt myself getting more and more..well just getting more and more!!
I had absolutely no want for anything in return from Him whatsoever; and He did nothing but enjoy my attention, but by slipping gently into subspace and thinking of nothing but his pleasure and ignoring the sensations occurring in my body: When He eventually called time by allowing me the joy of devouring every last drop I found myself in the middle of the deepest orgasm.
I can't describe exactly as I do not have the poets mind to explain why this orgasm was more than the rest..but it was all that!
I adore my Master and seek to pleasure him whenever I can, but if it carries on like this I'll have to stop labelling myself as a masochist!!

Why me? Why Him?

2007-04-14T20:28:00.000Z

OK over the last few weeks there have been a few things that have told me to think; Are you sure this is you? Well Master made me sit down and think about it, he made me write him and explain why I wanted to be a submissive, moreover His submissive.

Him
I have no doubt at all about being his submissive, there is no one else in the world that I have any desire to serve.
Funnily enough in the English - Anglican marriage ceremony you have a choice of two 'scripts' in one you Obey your husband and in the other you don't...I chose not to obey. Why because I was a career minded, independent girl brought up in yuppidom, I was not going to obey anyone! Silly really, if you hold anything in the sanctity of the marriage ceremony then I got it all wrong and I think I need to retake my vows!!
I love my husband very deeply and needed a way of showing him just how much I love, respect, and obviously trust him. Obviously this would not be the correct way to do it if I did not have submissive tendencies and/or he did not want to partake. This may or may not be the best thing to do but I am going to include some of the less personal parts of my letter to him to try and get across where I am coming from on this, these are from different letters and not necessarily in order but I hope to get my feelings across:

I asked you to embark on a D/s relationship with me and explained to you my reasons for this, they were; because I have such deep and amazing feelings for you that I wanted our normal relationship to intensify, these feelings are borne from love and respect. In order to be your submissive I obviously have to respect you in every way and also trust you implicitly. I can tell you I love you every day but I believe that by becoming your submissive I can show you, every time you ask something of me, my passionate feelings towards you.

I have a deep desire to serve you…I really want to make you happy in all ways, by giving you my servitude I feel can best please you; If you want a slut I will follow orders to be a slut, if you want a demure Geisha all you need do is order it. It removes all the possibility of me getting it wrong... I am happy to serve you in whatever way necessary because my love for you is so intense.

I want to serve you and only you, my heart still misses a beat when I think of you and you have the ability to take me beyond ecstasy and into heaven on earth…why would I not want to serve you and repay you for this ability. Nothing makes me happier than when you tell me you are happy (or show it) I can think of no greater privilege than to serve your desires for eternity.

Sir I do want to serve you I give myself to you, please take care of me and help me to grow into your perfect submissive.

How come I turned submissive?

OK so that's Him now why me? Well I believe it is inherent, I don't believe I turned submissive at all I just think I found myself and had the courage to follow it through. I remember my teenage erotic dreams were sub in nature, involving chains, cages and always with me as the captured one/ slave. This is many years before the Internet, before I had seen a blue movie let alone a 'BDSM' one. I had never read an erotic book or magazine. I had no benchmark to go on, only what I felt within myself. So when I think back I think these must have been my true feelings. It has taken me years to not only find myself and ask for help. To realise I am not a freak for wanting this but that I am merely in the minority. I am not asking to be harmed, nor do I wish to become a slave. I am a worthwhile person with desires interests and gifts for the world; but when the door is shut and we are alone in our home I wish to be subservient.

I am (sexually) a masochist, I have found this out through experimentation and it is a knowledge I am at ease with; for whatever reason, in certain situations the pain is very pleasurable. I only hope that I do not have to keep extending the boundaries too far to be able to keep the intensity that the pain gives me.

I hope that that gives just a little insight into the whys and hows. Willing to answer any sensible questions that may arise. I know that my mind may have gone off on a tangent during this blog so I'm sure there are no prizes for grammar or clarity - just hope it is useful to those who read this that wanted to know.

Ds Hideaway

2007-04-11T20:17:00.000Z

Got to thinking about a place we go to stay when we need to recuperate and hide from the world.
It is a little place in the middle of the countryside with the pigs and cows as neighbours. There are a few buildings dotted about the grounds which makes it mini village with a lovely iron gate and a long driveway to keep it from the rest of the world. We made a passing comment to each other that it would make a Ds heaven, where Doms could lead their subs around within the grounds without drawing unwanted attention. There are places where you could learn Dom arts like Shibari or even parade your subs if the desire took you.
Of course this has made me think; I wonder if there is such a place? Whenever I think of a Ds hideaway I always think of an older building with 4 poster beds and tranquility. I don't really know why, well I know why the bed, I have a fantasy for being suspended from the bed posts, but I'm not sure why my idea of Ds heaven is Austenesque. Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart!! I have looked into booking weekends away in these sort of places but always chicken out as I am never sure how thin the walls are and would hate to think of the inquisitory looks of fellow guests after a night of flogging and the inevitable screams (of joy) that emit from my entry into subspace.
Comments very welcome if there is any BDSM friendly accommodation that I haven't discovered...and if not someone lend me a couple of Million so I can buy a manor and open one of my own!

Back I hope

2007-04-09T21:29:00.000Z

So I've been away for a little while, totally unrelated to my lifestyle, but I hope to be back and regularly blogging again asap.
Whilst dabbling in the You Tube archives I found this vid which is pretty informative for a BDSM inquisitor, I especially liked the way which the video was approached - not a great deal of info but what there is is pretty sensible and gives good first insight.

So just a quickie as you see but I guess a quickie is better than nothing at all ;)

To pee or not to pee...

2007-01-26T11:03:00.000Z

...is not actually the question it just kind of leads me nicely into what I want to write!
Being begrudgingly and involuntarily kept from my obligations to my Master, through no fault of my own or his. I have found myself awake at night completely frustrated and desperately needing to submit to him.
I have had a few very weird dreams one of which I was begging him to pee on me. Now I don't consciously want to partake in said act or anything similar however I think it was the need to feel owned and in my semi conscious state I had equated ownership with animals marking their territory. In my dream like state it seemed perfectly obvious that this is what it meant and it was something He could do to me in my present state! I have not mentioned this particular dream to him so when he reads this He will no doubt be bemused! Had He been there at the time it is likely He would have put me in my place unfortunately He was not and I had to work through the silliness of my thoughts on my own. (I wonder if there is actually an animal that marks their mate as a sign of ownership in this or any other way?)

Now the slightly less 'icky and more 'me' thought to come out of this is the thought of marking or being marked. I am not at all averse to being marked after all I wear jewellery to 'tell' Him that I know I am His and a tattoo or brand is merely a permanent, almost less obtrusive version of this.

Branding, I think I do not want, although I am not opposed to the mark or the significance of actually being branded (equating it to stock animals) but I think I am opposed the aesthetics of it, after all a brand is more or less a scar on the skin and I have enough scars and other such things detracting from the perceived perfect body that I don't really want to add to them.

But a tattoo is not such a bad option; I have seen many tattoos that enhance the body that they are 'attached' to. But then we have the question of what? How big? And where? The where bit is the nagging one for me as if tattooed for Him I will have very little choice about the other two. If it was overtly a branding mark I wouldn't want it in a place where it could be seen (but then if I was vanilla I would never get one anyway so that would also come into it). I don't want it anywhere that will sag with time (this rules out most areas of my body as all natural bodies succumb to gravity in the end!!!) So where is left?

Yesterday I think I got my answer. I was watching a film (the film itself was nauseating) the leading lady had a lovely tattoo right in the V of her legs; the tattoo itself was pretty beautiful too and was designed in a V shape to compliment its canvas. Well I don't think the area sags, and I hope most won't see it and finally it seems a fairly appropriate place for it.

Now I've put that in writing I shall go off and think about the possible pain ramifications of tattooing such a sensitive area.

Personal, yet public , note to my Master

2007-01-10T15:07:00.000Z

Sir,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your unending kindness and care for me over this strange time. It is not easy having a defective sub but you are handling it with your usual loving and I feel as cherished as ever.
Yours as ever Misty xxxx

Sub Space

2007-01-10T11:28:00.000Z

Ever been there? I wasn't sure until recently. It has been likened to a sports person being in the zone and the other day I had the joy of experiencing it, definitely, for the first time. For a submissive it is the place to be.
My Master and I were playing with paddles. I was completely relaxed and each blow did not in the least hurt but sent the sensation tingling all over my body. It had taken a while to get there and the session had been working up all afternoon, he hadn't touched me sexually for hours but there was a definite air of sexual play around! He announced that he wanted me to lean over and he was going to try out his new paddles, to begin with it was just the normal gorgeous feeling I get from each whack, the endorphin release and obviously the sexual pleasure. As he timed the paddles into a quick rhythm I went deeper and deeper into my desires and suddenly realised I was completely and utterly overtaken, I would have agreed to anything he asked for at that point! It is difficult to explain the difference between simply enjoying the experience and being totally within the experience but there is a vast difference.
Of course now it will be my goal to get there again. I believe my Master was pleased with the results of my being there and will be more than happy for me to pursue this goal. I'm just happy to have got there, and of course the twin paddles are now my new favourite toys!!!

Christmas servitude

2006-12-28T10:50:00.000Z

Well as my first Christmas as a submissive I have found it difficult to negotiate the difference between family time and His time. He has made no demands on my time over the holiday period, which I guess is correct, but this has made my submissive side yearn to serve him. I frequently asked to do things for him which he has politely turned down and I have subconciously felt rejected. Entirely my fault, but nonetheless hard for me emotionally.
Funny though, as I know that he has been doing it for me (Especially after 3 days of eating all that rich food it would be difficult to participate in any really physical play) . I love him for giving me this time but funny how my need to serve him outweighs my knowledge that he is doing the kindest thing for me.
I'm sure that knowledge that this is how Christmas is, will make it easier through the years. Also as we both grow with the relationship we will find ways of overcoming this period in little ways. He asked me to make on submissive gesture for him on Christmas day which I thought I had planned well, but circumstances were not with me and it didn't work, again I will get better at this with practice.
Don't get me wrong I have had a lovely Christmas and I have enjoyed every minute of it but this is what runs though my mind during the evening when it would be normally be His time.
Until the things go back to normal I shall have to content myself with serving him coffee and cake.

Emotional Rollercoaster

2006-12-22T15:54:00.000Z

3 days to go until Christmas and I am very happy and relaxed about it. I'm sure my Master will like his present and it is not just a ribbon around my middle (although ribbons are fun!)

Last night I felt sure I had disappointed my master and this is tearing me up inside. He has not indicated that he is unhappy with me but I hate to not be a perfect sub. Without going into great detail at some point during the night he asked me what I wanted. I wasn't able to tell him what I wanted because in the situation we were in I didn't know. I would have preferred it if I hadn't been given the choice.
It was all to do with being left. Now in the right situation I love to be tied down and left, it heightens the anticipation. But last night it wasn't that I had been left for this reason, he was there and had no intention of touching me (there's more to it but that's about the size of it) . I love the feel of his touch, in whatever form, but I cannot bear nothing. It was as though I was being punished (and for once I had done nothing wrong) He could see that I was unhappy and asked me if I wished to be released - and here is my problem I wanted to be touched not released but it is not my place to tell him my needs and I wanted to please him but the situation was making me very unhappy, but it wasn't a safe word type of moment I was in no danger. He is a very kind and considerate Master and decided to release me, but of course this has made me dejected as I'm sure he didn't really want to.
I have been struggling with my conscience all day but it is easy to see it clearly after the fact. I am still in training and it is the 'little' things like this that make a blip in the smooth running of our Ds dynamic.

Can’t see the wood for the trees?

2006-12-21T12:05:00.000Z

Was driving back from the city yesterday, after a successful Christmas shopping trip. The city had not been too crowded and I had found the experience an altogether enjoyable experience (I wonder do all submissives enjoy buying presents this much?)

I have to drive through the heart of the forest to get home; this is generally a pleasant experience and usually serves me well. But more often than not, if I am alone, I drive through after dark or in the summer when all you can see are the trees that line the road; a great wall of green through which the occasional pony or deer can be seen peeking. But today the sun was shining and it must be pannage time as the pigs were out in force snaffling the acorns, which is always an intriguing sight. It suddenly stuck me that I could see far back into the forest itself; the pigs were on a carpet of orange and gold and the sun was streaking in through the bare trees, you don’t need me to tell you it was beautiful and my heart soared.

So why am I sharing this? Well I have always been a ‘stop and smell the roses’ type of person – theoretically… but sometimes life gets in the way and we need a little nudge in that direction. Nature is amazing and sometimes we become blind to it as we go about our daily chores.

But we can do the same with people around us, I have many friends and acquaintances that have in conversation told me they are very much in love with their partners but haven’t had time to speak to each other in days, they have a marriage but not necessarily a relationship.

This is where I feel the Ds bond helps: My Masters’ orders are to keep him informed of my feelings with everything we do and I have until now had to keep a daily journal – and now this blog – We converse everyday and he has His time in the evening where we spend quality time together. As relationships go he is stopping to smell the roses, I am feeling cherished and our relationship is nourished. I wonder whose relationship is more healthy? I'm willing to bet it would be the Ds one.

Or is it just me? Comments very welcome :-)

Scenes?

2006-12-20T19:11:00.000Z

My Master and I ended up scening last night, now I have said to my similar lifestyle friends that I do not do scenes but this was unplanned (I think). After being up literally all night playing; just before dawn he told me he was going to rape me. Now obviously we do practice a SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) relationship so it is impossible for him to actually rape me, this is where I guess it changes to a scene.
His attitude towards me changed immensely and although it is also impossible for him to scare me, I found my attitude towards him also changed, very difficult to be more submissive but I felt even more vulnerable than I have before. He used language that he would never use, he made me repeat it.
Now the scene didn't last very long and as soon as it finished he was back to his normal caring self and made sure I was OK. But there was a definite change in the dynamic between us and the mood was darker than normal.
I guess my point is I always thought scening was not for me; why act? Mine is a lifestyle not a bit of play acting in the bedroom, but again my Master has pushed my boundaries and made me rethink. However I cant see me dressing as a nurse in the near future!

Sense Deprivation

2006-12-19T17:08:00.000Z

I was punished for talking back yesterday evening (as I mentioned before, sometimes my stubbornness lets me down and I am inclined to open mouth before engaging brain). Fitting punishment I was gagged for a long time while I cooked his dinner. Firm but fair.
I must have been good after this punishment, because he treated me to an evening of sense deprivation afterwards. This involved a blindfold and earphones playing a very loud soundtrack to one of his more adult movies. I could not hear or see a thing that was happening around me, he tied my arms and left me there for a while. At first it was very disconcerting; I had no idea if he was in the room let alone what he may do to me, if anything at all. My other senses were heightened; I could smell rubber on the blindfold where it is kept in my drawer with the rest of my toys. He left me there contemplating his plans for what seemed like ages; with the soundtrack in my head and the anticipation I began to squirm. Eventually he touched me and the sensation was electric. Each touch from him left me writhing with desire. I'm not going to elaborate too much as I don't want this to become a blow by blow account of events. It is an experience I would gladly repeat. I think my heightened senses coupled with my complete and utter trust in my Master made for a very enjoyable experience.

Why?

2006-12-18T15:00:00.000Z

My master has asked to to keep a blog for him, I am not sure which form the blog will take at the moment but I guess time will tell; as long as it keeps him happy.
I am still in training as his submissive. I want to be able to enhance his life in any way I can, I hope my presence is always a pleasure to him.
Training has been hard (emotionally) at times and this is all down to my inability to loose some of my negative personality traits such as stubbornness, not a good trait in the perfect submissive:) .
I am deeply in love with my Master, and it was me that asked him to become my Master, many years into our solid relationship. I had a immense desire to give him more than I already did. After intensive research I discovered that the feelings I had were that of a submissive in a Ds relationship.
My master has asked me to keep this blog as we have found that there are not many submissives publishing what it is really like to live this lifestyle 24/7 so here it is; well it will be!